A Little Therapy

Where and when was it decided that women, moms especially, were supposed to lose the confidence of their youth? One of my constant battles with myself is the fact that I am no longer 19, a soccer player and in great shape. I will never be 19 again, I may never play soccer competitively again and because most female bodies are not completely finished growing yet at that age (although I think I was done growing at 12!), I will never have the same body I had at 19. But do I really want to?

The body I had at 19 may have been strong and shapely, but it had not yet held a baby in it's womb nor provided nourishment for offspring. It hadn't had the privilege of being Mr. Clean's wife and preparing the journey to be with him "till death do us part". That was the body of a kid.

Yet I still fail to remember all these things when I am getting prepared for my day and lamenting over my wardrobe. "This hem is unraveling, this shirt is too old or these jeans are no longer very flattering", seems to be my battle cry every day. However I know if I had a wardrobe of brand new clothes it would be the same. It is not what I have, but who I have allowed myself to become. The 19 year old me would have put on a gunny sack and paraded it as if it were a Yves Saint Laurent ball gown. The me of today would probably find flaw with the gown itself.

This morning after my daily grumble, I finished dressing and was greeted with a knock on my bedroom door. Xena was there looking for a little fashion advice of her own. She wanted to know if the dress she had selected was supposed to have a shirt underneath it or not (she had put one on). I opened the door and was met with the most beautiful sight I could have received this morning.
My bohemian princess fully dressed, fully confident and knowing that she was stunning regardless of what she had picked to wear.
I want confidence like hers.