Thankful For Small Glitches

For some unknown reason Blogger was down yesterday just when I was on the edge myself. I needed to vent. So I went to Word and typed there. After the tears, frustration and illogical thought patterns all subsided I reread what I had written. I no longer feel this low, but I decided to post it anyway just in case anyone else ever feels this way. You will get through it!

And yes, the boy is still alive and still in our favor, and no, the boy will not be standing at the bus stop Monday morning waiting for "big yella". On to yesterday...

"Something is just not clicking with my boy. I have been homeschooling him since the beginning (he is now in third grade) and his light bulb has yet to “turn on” when it comes to reading. He reminds me of a halogen bulb that is still warming up, but not quite to its full potential. I know it is there. I apparently have no clue how to cultivate his abilities.

In the beginning I thought it must be my curriculum, or the way I was teaching. If that were the case (and it probably had something to do with it) the girls should be following K.Z.’s footsteps. They are not. Xena is actually surpassing K.Z.’s skills in school at the present. We start school and she zooms through it in 3 hours max. Usually it only takes her about two and I LOVE teaching her. Lately K.Z. has been dragging out his lessons for hours. I am about ready to crack with him.

We joined a cyber charter school last month to get some direction for him and a little more accountability. The curriculum is excellent, the teacher he has been assigned seems very helpful, but I am still in tears by the end of the day with threats of eternal exile in his room, hanging over K.Z’s head. When do I admit defeat?

The only next logical step is brick and mortar school and that thought makes me cry even more. But what if it is the missing link that he needs? The biggest problem is that since he is not on grade level, he would either be held back or put in “special ed” classes to help him catch up. Both would be absolutely belittling to him and frankly, it would set him up to be picked on. Mr. Clean has brought the hammer down however. This is either a benchmark year for him (attitude wise when it comes to school) or he is on the bus. Since private school is not an option financially, he would have no choice but to go to public school.

I am absolutely beside myself with this. We do have great days (yesterday was one of them and this morning was as well, until it crashed and burned this afternoon), but then they are followed by horrible ones where I get nothing accomplished whatsoever at home except for trying to get school done through tears and anger (both mine and his). If our family actually does expand by one more, how does this all balance out?

I do not want to paint K.Z in a bad light. He is a good kid with a type A personality. If he can’t do it perfectly, then he isn’t going to do it at all. Which in turn, starts the flow of tears and anger in both of us. The little ones get neglected and the day goes to pot. I am rambling so my thoughts probably are not terribly coherent, but I had to “vent” a little in a community I felt would understand. Forgive my ranting."