Monday, October 27, 2008
This is really not an epiphany, just a fact I have wanted to hide from for my entire life. I am quite lazy and a little spoiled. I want things to be easy. I want life to be effortless. I want what I see in other moms, yet I do not seem willing to work for what they display in demeanor and attitude.
Here is the catch. I don't really want to be lazy. I just seem too lazy to change my laziness. Still with me? If I could, I would have a chef, a full time tutor for my children and a maid. Throw in the butler for the times I am too lazy to get up to answer the phone. Or better yet, let the maid get the phone so I do not have to get around to hiring the butler.
Yet I love to cook, and dream of meals from scratch with organic and clean whole foods. I love the feeling of satisfaction you get after a long hard day of housework and how great it feels to "just be" in the house you have just cleaned. I LOVE being with my kids and homeschooling them and seeing the ah-ha moments of their learning process. All that being said, I am sabotaging my own desires by my lack of "get up and go" and it is hurting my household.
Today I was Jekyll and Hyde. I woke up with a plan. I was going to have a good and selfless attitude while teaching my kids, sprinkled with a heavy dose of patience. Check! Then we would all do our chores while the birds sang along with our efforts. It rained here today. And the stupid birds never showed. And the kids did not cooperate with chores. And Mommy yelled. Again. And it was all due to my incessant laziness.
I can make my house look like a palace when we have an event or company coming. I run like crazy and get the job done. I am SURE this does not go unnoticed by the offspring. We are not total slobs and do the everyday things, but it is common for the laundry to pile up, the pots to wait a day or two (since they do not go into the dishwasher) and the corners to get very dusty. Shoes will lay unattended for days, ignored by every family member who walks by. I would love to say I mercifully sigh and pick up the shoes, but usually I just kick them out of my way (and half the time they are probably mine).
I have not reflected to the kids the person I want them to become, I take the lazy route and wag my finger at them when they do not listen to my instructions for how they should be. I am a bit ashamed and embarrassed by that fact.
Proverbs 13:4 says, "The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied." I am feeling like that sluggard lately, I want a lot of things, yet have not worked terribly hard to get them while bemoaning the fact I did not succeed. I guess it is time to join the land of the diligent and "go to the ant".