Sunday, August 10, 2008

Reasons To Stop Incessant Pondering

It's raining here today and there is a dismal tone outside. Inside, three of my children are spending time together in the family room with us as we stay dry and cozy. One child is physically absent, as he naps upstairs. This is not unlike our life at the present. We have four children; sort of.

Today we spent the afternoon with Iggy's half brothers and sisters at his brothers' foster home celebrating a birthday. All of the foster families were there (there are 5 of us) and we all get on very well so it was an enjoyable party. Almost surreal for the situation, certainly not the norm for a foster parent. I immediately surrender Iggy when his sisters are around as they only see him twice a month, at no fault of their own. After they have had their baby fix he usually winds up back with me or Mr. Clean and that is where it can feel odd. We have their brother.

I really like his sisters and brothers and their foster families. We all have the same interest in adoption (or permanency for the older girls) and when we get together it is very relaxed. Except for the big pink elephant (real or imagined) in the room. These are not our children legally.

For the last 16 months Iggy's half brothers have been with their foster parents. They are the only children in the family and that has become their home and their parents. The littlest brother knows nothing else. Neither does Iggy. Iggy only knows us and we treat him no different than our other children and adore him just as much. But technically he is not mine and that is a tough thing to remember. In this relationship there is always a bottom that could potentially fall out. This child belongs to the Commonwealth. We may shape his future, but for now they control it.

So I sit with the bittersweet knowledge that only three of my four children are safe and cozy in my house right now. I know that none of them are guaranteed to me forever, or even tomorrow, and that I have to surrender all of them to the Lord, but there is still that maternal bug that pokes at me from time to time with that very sharp reminder.

4 comments:

Shanna said...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

I know it is a verse that we hear time and time again, but it came as a blessing to me today. Perhaps you will look on it with fresh eyes and it will bless you too.

You are a brave woman and I admire you.

KeeperatHome said...

I too admire your selfless response to God's calling to open your home and hearts as a foster family.

I was previously an adoptions social worker in Virginia, working to place foster care children in adoptive homes. I found the work both challenging and fulfilling.

God's plan is perfect. It will be interesting to see God's plan for Iggy continue to unfold.

In Christ, Talya

Mrs. Sam said...

That's intense...well put.
How's the van? Mine pooped out today...alternator I think. That's for 'the man' to figure out. Till then, I drive the car...uuhhg! Suppose I should be greatful.

Jamie said...

You are doing an amazing job. I cannot imagine the feelings...you so want to attach yourself and you love the baby so much yet I'm sure you're afraid to get 'too close' because you never know what could happen. But, like Shanna said, God knows the plans of Iggy's life. He is blessed to have you guys.