Monday, August 18, 2008

A Heartbreaking Few Days

After a lot of prayer and tears and gut wrenching conversations Mr. Clean and I made a hard, hard decision. We have to stop being a resource family for our newest little foster sons.

The boys are fantastic and the family that they live with will be blessed to have them as we are now. We ran with our hearts instead of our heads and jumped into a logistical jumble. We cannot safely transport everyone like we thought we could (which does not even include Mr. Clean, he has been driving a separate car).

Because 5 out of 6 kids require car or booster seats, in our current mini-van three kids would have to sit in the back and three boosters simply can not fit. I also forgot to factor in the fact that someone would have to sit up front with me. And the airbag. I just cannot risk one of my babies (foster or natural) getting hurt or killed by that very real danger.

This weekend we seriously considered upgrading our current van to one with 8 seats, but were sad to realize that we would have the same dilemma and getting a bigger style van really is not an option for us right now.

This led to other scenarios in our head that would make things challenging with 6 children and we started to have to make tough decisions. Today I called the boys' case worker to talk to her about our dilemma and thankfully I did. Because we were a "legal risk" family for Iggy (meaning we would desire to adopt him if that was an option) they assumed we were for the boys as well. We thought they just needed a home for a while until Mom and Dad got their act together and got them back, and were more than willing to offer that. The county is thinking they may not go back (but no one really knows). I am not sure we would have been their "forever family", nor did I know they were looking for that.

Another thing that worries us is that in just the past few days Iggy has seemed to have been put on the back burner, sheerly out of necessity. I have 4 kids almost down to a science. I have no clue how to do it with 6 kids and although I know I could learn to fenangle it, I do not want anyone in the family (foster boys and baby included) to suffer. It has already started.

So tomorrow I will meet with the case worker and her supervisor to see what can be worked out that will be a good and easy(ier) transition for the boys. I know that the Lord will provide for these two sweet boys but it breaks my heart that it will not be us. Pray for them during this time of transition and pray that the next family they get will be their's forever if they do not get to go back to their Mom and Dad. Pray for us that our hearts will mend soon. This was a terrible decision to make and one we never thought we would have to, but we really feel it was the correct one.


Susie said...

Oh, Angel!!! My heart is hurting with you! It's so hard to jump into something and later realize it wasn't what was best for all involved. (We seem to do that constantly!)

We will continue to pray for you during this transition -- and hard time all around. You already know that God is in control and He will put the boys exactly where they need to be.

Know that we're loving you and praying for you.


Jamie said...

Praying for your family during this time and for the precious boys!