There are some days that I wish I was a little more equipped when it came to standing up for the Truth. While I believe we all should be ready to defend holy scripture and the Gospel, I am certainly glad the Lord has deemed a certain unique gift for all of us.
Last night I watched "Luther" (great movie by the way), and went to look up a certain actor in IMDB after it was finished. Being that I am usually not content to just look up one thing and then call it a night, since I suffer from LNIA (Late Night Internet Addiction), I browsed a bit. Then I went where no man/woman should go... the message board about the movie.
It started out innocent enough. Posts engaging people to chat about the cinematography, whether or not the movie had enough content, etc. Then there was that post. And I dared click my mouse on it, knowing full well I should just head to bed. The title of the post was, "Do any of you know Jesus?". I was doomed.
I am what is called a "lurker" in internet lingo, which is basically an internet wallflower. I love to read blogs, message boards, etc. and glean what I can, but I rarely put my two cents in on either. I read the hundreds of post; most were exchanges between the same two or three posters and it made my head spin. I wanted sooo badly to type something... anything. But I simply did not feel equipped in the knowledge I needed to form a coherent thought without stuttering and typing something intelligent like, "I know you are, but what am I?".
I am confident in my faith and the majority of the time I am a fairly good orator, but put me in a situation where I have not had the time to prepare and I usually clam up. Either I cannot remember exactly where in scripture a passage is or I have blanked out on a creative way to illustrate my point. Five minutes after the conversation has ended I turn into a brilliant debater. After the fact, once the "show is over", so to speak.
As I pondered all the many posts that either made no sense, would do with clarification or would begin a great debate, my brain began to swim aimlessly in my head. I could spend more time looking everything up that I wanted to convey and make brilliant points in research or I could just remain a lurker and then go to bed.
That is when that quiet voice said to me that it was okay that I was not the person I so envied. The one who could pull scripture and relevance out of thin air effortlessly. It was not my gift. My charge in life right now is to raise His children and make them His servants and enjoy seeing the gifts He has hidden in their hearts to be explored. It's time for contentment and maybe a tad more quiet time with the Lord.
1 comment:
I am the same way. I 'know' stuff but when it comes down to it, do I know it well enough to share it? And where was that scripture again? Uh! And here my daughter is always asking to pretty much go witnessing yet I'm a big chicken!
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