Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Attack of the "BioDads"

We were sailing along on the foster parent seas with really calm waters behind and ahead. Frankly, Iggy's case has been easy. Today was our 6 month review, where we sit in front of a Master of the Court, listen to the fact that BioMom has done nothing to change the course of our ship and then we leave.

That would have been the case until BioDad number 3 (of 4) walked in. The foster father who has Iggy's three brothers blanched a little. Then Iggy's BioDad walked in. My heart just about stopped. Iggy Sr. has not been in the picture at all. He would not respond to court reviews, requests for services, nothing. He once came to the one and only doctor's appointment that BioMom showed up for, never to been seen again. But officially, in the court's eyes, he has had no involvement. Zero. Zilch. Nada. The waters started to get a bit choppy.

Iggy's BioDad wants a DNA test to prove that Iggy is his son. To what end, we have no clue. He waived his right to counsel in the court room and stated that he had not been around since he was not sure about his paternity status and was waiting "to see". "See what?!", I wanted to jump out of my chair and ask. "To see if a DNA test happens to jump up and bite you on the bum?"

The Master was none too pleased and reminded him that Iggy is constantly growing and changing and attaching to us, so he best not keep waiting if he wants to be considered a resource. The world stopped spinning for me at that moment.

I kept my frustration, fear and tears in check while in the court room, but my eyes could not helping leaking a little when we left. Our adoption case worker saw how upset I was and told us that she does not think anything will change at this point. She is still filing for Termination of Parental Rights and will have the request filed in the next 30 days. The actual hearing will not be for a couple months however.

It took all I had, but I asked BioDad if he would like to carry Iggy as we went to a different floor of the courthouse for the test. He happily took him and was genuinely sweet and interested in him, but all I wanted to do was grab my baby and run as far away as I could. I refrained but gladly took Iggy back as he started to fuss about sitting for the swab test (the case worker had him at this point). So now we have to sit and wait to see the results of the DNA test.

I know there is a reason for this, I know we are doing the right thing by this sweet baby right now in his life, but I just hate this uncertainty.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

What A Crock...

I know it can be difficult to not show bias, but as a teacher (paid by our tax dollars), should that not be required? Maybe this teacher missed that NEA seminar. Or maybe they never had one...



Ignore the few seconds in the beginning, it is the right video...


I do not think this North Carolina elementary school teacher was horrible, but her opinions politically should have never been shared with the class (and don't tell me for a second, those kids did not get her "subtle" message). I know as a kid about that age, I had NO clue whatsoever who my teacher was voting for in the elections. Because she had tact and respect for her position. What changed?

This is not a political post, the election is over, Senator Barack Obama will be our next president and deserves our respect and prayers. I posted this only because I thought this teacher was way out of line. Teach about the election process, have "mock elections", teach about the candidates if you desire. Just keep your personal opinions out of it. Our kids do not need your personal garbage (nor blasphemy for that matter). Just teach the basics. Remember reading, writing and math? They certainly could use more of it.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Is NOTHING Sacred Anymore?

When I was a kid Sunday afternoons meant LOTS of football. Throw is a few car and beer commercials and the Washington Redskins and a fire and that was pure bliss for me. I was with my Daddy. Life was good.

Kyle's cousins grew up saturated in sports and love many of them. As kids they watched very little television, unless it was a sporting event. That was kind of a rule in their house. If it was sports you were good to go. I thought that was brilliant and I wanted to adopt that policy in my house. But I can't.

If my kids watch a football game with us we have one hand constantly hovering over the remote. And heaven forbid if Mr. Clean falls asleep on duty, I have had to do Olympic style somersaults to get to the remote before the kids brains are permanently scarred with images of the Viagra guy or scary movie previews. Not to mention the latest "Desperate Housewives" advertisements. I am not quite ready for my little ones to see Eva Longoria in a teddy at 3 in the afternoon. Or ever.

When did football stop being a family presentation and take on the form of a testosterone laden soft p*rn fest? Is it not FOOTBALL?! You know the game that shows men rushing, kicking, and throwing a ball to their endzone? What happened and why was I not consulted?

I miss family football with no ridiculous promos and commercials fit for late late late night television. On cable. That you pay for.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Cowboys and Indians, and Pilgrims, and Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, Oh My!


Most of you know that I am fairly conservative in my thought patterns and not really "touchy" about much. There is one thing that bugs me a bit and just might throw me for a brief moment into a "radical category". Then I will go back to normal, I promise!

The whole "Cowboys and Indians" thing really annoys me. Being that my Dad's family is made up of a whole bunch of American Indians (that's as close as "PC" as I can go), it just gets under my skin.


That being said, the kids came home from AWANA last night with an assignment for Thanksgiving. They are going to participate with a bunch of other AWANA clubs to collect canned food for a local food pantry (yeah!) and they are going to dress up as either pilgrims or Indians that night. At first I looked at my sweet little C'sa who has her grandfather's copper skin (in just a lighter undertone) and thought, "Cool. She will look cute if I dress her in Cherokee style". But then I thought a bit longer and probably way over analyzed it, but I thought longer nonetheless.


Indians are broken up into many many tribes and they are all different. I know the characteristics of my own tribe and a couple others, but most Americans know only the "Cigar Store Indian", the "Hollywood Indian" or thanks to Disney, the ridiculously characterized, "Pocahontas" (I won't even get started). So I am anticipating seeing all various forms of pilgrims and Indians that night, all in cute little get-ups taken right from ideas found on the internet.

Here is my issue. If I told you to dress your kid as a black civil rights protester, would you do it? How about dressing up as an Irishman right off the boat, immigrating to New York to escape the Potato Famine? A Chinese Christian? That may sound extreme, but Indians are not just a group of people who interacted with some of the earliest settlers. We are still here, with families, taxes to pay and cultural differences.

I am sure that some of the families at AWANA will have little Pocahontases running around (should they choose to dress as Indians in leiu of pilgrims), and not the Pokanoket Indians the pilgrims encountered. Which technically, if they were really dressing up as Pocohontas, they would have to have their girls topless, which is how the Powhatan tribe dressed their young daughters. Not quite what you would expect for an AWANA setting!).


This whole hang up started for me for the most part when I was in the business world. I grew up in a multi-culteral world, but the only Indians I knew were my own family members. I was excited when I worked with another lady who was mixed like I was. Her mother was a different tribe than my father's, but we had something in common anyway. One Halloween she came to the office dressed in her mother's
full tribal regalia, which is regulated to ceremonies and special occassions (weddings, pow-pows, etc.). I was annoyed and a little saddened that she would parade it around for a costume.

So now I have to decide if I want my kids to go along with the fun (which is what I
know was intended by the leaders who thought this up) or stand firm in my belief that you do not try and dress up as a race of people for an event.

And just a note to the people involved in our AWANA club (if they read this); this is my hang-up, not a "wag of the finger" to you
whatsoever. Just random thoughts from the point of view of the daughter of an Indian (who would probably tell me I am being too sensitive anyway...).

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Thank You John Piper

I needed to be reminded of this. Probably more, if McCain were to win than Obama. It is still early on election night. I have no clue what the results will be, but this was a powerful reminder to me of what really matters. I hope you are as blessed by what John Piper has to say as I was.