Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Attack of the "BioDads"

We were sailing along on the foster parent seas with really calm waters behind and ahead. Frankly, Iggy's case has been easy. Today was our 6 month review, where we sit in front of a Master of the Court, listen to the fact that BioMom has done nothing to change the course of our ship and then we leave.

That would have been the case until BioDad number 3 (of 4) walked in. The foster father who has Iggy's three brothers blanched a little. Then Iggy's BioDad walked in. My heart just about stopped. Iggy Sr. has not been in the picture at all. He would not respond to court reviews, requests for services, nothing. He once came to the one and only doctor's appointment that BioMom showed up for, never to been seen again. But officially, in the court's eyes, he has had no involvement. Zero. Zilch. Nada. The waters started to get a bit choppy.

Iggy's BioDad wants a DNA test to prove that Iggy is his son. To what end, we have no clue. He waived his right to counsel in the court room and stated that he had not been around since he was not sure about his paternity status and was waiting "to see". "See what?!", I wanted to jump out of my chair and ask. "To see if a DNA test happens to jump up and bite you on the bum?"

The Master was none too pleased and reminded him that Iggy is constantly growing and changing and attaching to us, so he best not keep waiting if he wants to be considered a resource. The world stopped spinning for me at that moment.

I kept my frustration, fear and tears in check while in the court room, but my eyes could not helping leaking a little when we left. Our adoption case worker saw how upset I was and told us that she does not think anything will change at this point. She is still filing for Termination of Parental Rights and will have the request filed in the next 30 days. The actual hearing will not be for a couple months however.

It took all I had, but I asked BioDad if he would like to carry Iggy as we went to a different floor of the courthouse for the test. He happily took him and was genuinely sweet and interested in him, but all I wanted to do was grab my baby and run as far away as I could. I refrained but gladly took Iggy back as he started to fuss about sitting for the swab test (the case worker had him at this point). So now we have to sit and wait to see the results of the DNA test.

I know there is a reason for this, I know we are doing the right thing by this sweet baby right now in his life, but I just hate this uncertainty.


Mrs. Sam said...

Oh my friend...my heart aches for what you must feel. I love how you wrote 'your baby'. I love how you wrote, "The Master was none too pleased". He sees you and knows your heart. He wants you to love and don't hold nothin back. Give him all you got. And then remember this, "I know the plans I have for you Angel,Mr. Clean and Iggy, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jer 29:11

Heather said...

Oh Angel! What a nightmare. {{{Hugs}}}

Is it wrong to hope that bio-mom was wrong and he's just some guy that will fade away from memory?

Carolyn said...

I am so sorry!! I can't believe this is happening now. I'm sure nothing will come of it. I will be praying for all of you.

Anonymous said...

How strong of you to offer Iggy to him to hold. Don't think I could of done that.

Amy's homeschool blog said...

Oh Angel...... I am so sorry. I can only guess how you were feeling. Your family is in my prayers.... You are doing right by Iggy. Let me know if you need anything! Amy

CJsDaddy said...

I agree with Anon - you showed a lot of courage with that. Trust in the Lord - He will keep you strong!

Susie said...

{{{HUGS}}} to you, my sweet bff! You are the best-est thing ever to happen to Iggy, and God will keep you both close to Him during all this. I, too, think you were esp. courageous...I would have smacked him hard in the -- well, let's just say you're a much better woman than I would have been. *wink* You're in our prayers!

Susie said...

And AMEN to the verse Mrs. Sam wrote in her comment!

TheTutor said...

Oh, Sweetie! I am so sorry. My heart hurts. I want to be there to hug you, wipe your tears, cry some of my own, yell with you, pray with you... These 1,000 miles just seem so much more distant.

We love you. We are crying for you. We are joining you in prayer. We will be giving Thanksgiving with you tomorrow.

I love you.