A Life Full of Good Intentions

I have always wanted to be one of those women who had her friends' birthdays memorized, cards purchased weeks in advance and posted exactly three days before, to arrive precisely on time. Instead, I an one of those woman who can barely recall her own birthday or where the car keys are. Birthday cards? HA!

Once upon a time I purchased a small gift and card for my friend's son who happens to be born on Valentine's Day. His birthday is easy to remember. The gift and the card are still in a bag in my bedroom closet, waiting for delivery. It was supposed to be for his 7th birthday. He will be nine this coming Valentine's Day. I am a wee bit behind.

It is not because I do not love and cherish those in my life, especially my friends. I do. With my whole heart. I just cannot seem to get my brain on board. That is exactly how I feel about blogging and the amazing friends I have made the past few years in the blog world. I love you, really I do. I just can't seem to find the car keys...

So here we go again. Another month completely missed, where I used to blog daily. It makes me sad, as this was the way I used to keep up with the many friends I have all over the States, a great friend in Canada, and those abroad. I have not even had time to read my favorite bloggers. I popped on today because I wanted to read the blog of a friend, and decided I best dust off my own.

You did not miss much in November. We ate turkey, went to some soccer games and sent our oldest daughter to school. Well, that probably qualifies as news. Especially on a blog that started to document my homeschooling journey. So here is the skinny...

Xena has begged to join her brother at the Christian school he started in September, ever since she knew, in the summer, that he was going. We promised to consider it for next year. It just so happened that "next quarter" was a better time frame. K.Z. was offered a partial scholarship that paid half his tuition, and starting Xena a little late meant that we could afford to send her. Not that this was our plan, but it did work out perfectly. So, we sent her on a Thursday to "visit" to see how she would do and by that next Monday she was officially a student and climbed aboard the big yellow bus.

C'sa is still at home with me, diligently working at mastering Kindergarten, while Eazy and Iggy hang out and play. Next year, I may be focusing only on reeling in my toddler. But that is a story for another day. Or month, as it were. Either way, I promise I will be back...

The Big Six

So far in my life I have experienced six events that have changed the path of my life and my legacy. These would be....

1. Salvation - the biggie.

2. Marriage - Becoming Mrs. Mr. Clean was pretty cool, and I love every day I am his bride.

3. My first born son - K.Z. ranks pretty high up there in life experiences.

4. My first born daughter - I had named this child when I was a kid myself, years before I actually met her.

5. My baby girl - "Mini-Me" emerges.

6. Adopting my baby boy - "Wait!", you say. "What!? I have been reading this blog for (fill in time period here) and you did not tell us the big day was coming?! How could you! Humph!"

Please accept my heartfelt apologies. I have been neglecting this blog for quite a while, because life has been a little crazy. I would not mind getting off this hamster wheel for a minute, but for now, it is not going to happen.

So, here is the scoop! Yesterday we adopted our foster son, "Iggy" who has been with us since his birth. He is now and forever home!

Huh? Say what?!

“The (film) festival has been unfairly exploited to secure (Roman) Polanski’s arrest over a case that is all but dead. Despite the philistine nature of the collusion that has now occurred, we came to honor Roman Polanski as a great artist. We hope today this latest order will be dropped; it is based on a three decade old case that is all but dead except for a minor technicality.”

~Debra Winger

Is anyone paying attention to this case? According to Debra Winger, it is decades old and should be dropped. OH! Well, alrightly then. Let's just drop it. Would Ms. Winger think this case "is all but dead except for a minor technicality", if it involved her daughter? Except, that she does not have one. But I do.

And let me say for the record Ms. Winger, if she were drugged and raped at 13, by a sleezy 43 year old director/producer, you better believe I would not want to see the case dropped for any reason. Even if that rapist was a celebrated (pardon me while I spit for a moment) film maker.

What is happening in our country? I know that there are many things in this country that are not as they should be, but when it comes to child rapists, even the most hardened jailed criminal knows pedophiles have reached the very bottom of the scum pit. They even have "jailhouse justice" for people like this. Yet Hollywood is offended when a film festival's carefully planned events are disrupted by the arrest of this man after he fled punishment 30 years ago?

Cry me a river.

That is not to say that we shouldn't be praying for this man's redemption. I will admit I have a hard time doing that, but that is my own failure. I would rather see him get justice here on earth than the punishment that he (that we all) deserves in eternity. This whole case just makes me so sad for the way our country sees right and wrong. It's not as if we are the first however. Remember Rome?

Pray for Roman Polanski and pray for our country.

We Will Never Forget...

America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day. Yet, we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world.

- George W. Bush
43rd President of the United States
September 11, 2001

Has It Really Been a Month?!

Apparently I have not written in over a month. I knew that there would be times of famine on this blog, but my sakes; a month! And what a month it has been...

K.Z. started attending a small, local, conservative Christian school two weeks ago and he is in love with it. I am sure that the honeymoon period will wear off eventually, but I have a feeling that when that does happen he will still really like the school. His teacher, I have been told by two very, "in the know" nine year olds is, "funny". I liked her when I met her as well. I also like that she takes no prisoners.

The first day of school I watched the clock. I missed him terribly and wanted to know what he was doing every moment of the day. The third day of school, I almost forgot to get home in time for the bus. I think we both will be just fine. I have also decided in my head that he is simply attending a very long "homeschool co-op". After all, the school uses a popular curriculum with homeschoolers, so that scenario works in my head. Please do not inform me otherwise.

Although Xena has now informed me that she too would like to try a year at this academy, we are still homeschooling the rest of the kids this year. Xena is my star student and frankly, I really enjoy working with her. So second grade in her pajamas is right where I want her and that seems fine with her. Besides, she is a night owl like her mom and the school bus comes at 07:25. We are not usually even up then. Well, until two weeks ago when I was forced to against my will when I gladly got up to see my boy off for his first day and every day thereafter. Someone send reinforcements...






C'sa started Kindergarten and is not sure she loves it anymore. She was anxious and excited and bouncy until she saw the commitment. Now she wants to bounce away and play. Frankly, I want to go with her, but being the dutiful mother that I am , I gentle poke her with the cattle prod until she sits up straight and does small amount of seat work. I mean, this is just Kindergarten after all!







Eazy just turned four and has made so many leaps and bounds after being placed with us last December. He is definitely one of us now and I want it to be forever. That process however is just starting and will be sure to take a while. You know how I know?

Eazy

Because after 20 months of fostering and adoring Iggy, we are close to an adoption!! We are talking weeks now and I could not be more thrilled. There will sure be more to come on THAT!

C'sa and Iggy

So hopefully it will not be another month before I post again. I do not want to see this blog die a slow death after almost 4 years of writing. I would be sad to stop. So don't stop reading! I promise I will never be gone long!

Pardon Me, Your Epidermis Is Showing...

..."I couldn't help but notice your shade of melanin."

This past weekend the family and I went home to Maryland for two family reunions. One was on my mother's side and the other was my stepmother's family. Fortunately for us they happened the same day, not too far from one another, and we were able to enjoy both.

My stepmother has a large wonderful family and I have grown up with them. My late Aunt Lena, her sister, had seven children who now almost all have children of their own. Her brothers have grown children as well and I was able to see a lot of my cousins.

As a child I was very close to Lena's children and whenever I was with my Dad and Stepmom, I would hope to be able to see them. They were a great family and I wanted a family just as large and loving as theirs.

This weekend I got to introduce Eazy and Iggy to my cousins for the first time, as some of them live on the west coast or just not very close. My cousin Margie stayed at my parents' with us and got to spend more time with them. At one point, she was holding Iggy and I was noticing how her coloring was barely a shade lighter than his.

Both of my foster sons are hispanic. Iggy's bioparents are from Puerto Rico, as is Eazy's father. His mother is Spanish. They both have darker skin than I do, but in varying shades. Frankly, I could not care less. This weekend, I realized that my boys have a wonderful gift.

My cousin Margie and her six siblings are half hispanic. Their father, my uncle, is Puerto Rican. Because I grew up in a very diverse world, this was never odd or strange to me. The fact that my uncle had an accent and darker skin was natural to me. So natural that I forgot the significance to my boys until I saw the same coloring in Margie and Iggy.

More than likely these two little ones will be part of my family forever. Although we are a diverse family with varying skin tones, there will be no doubt to the boys as they grow that their skin is different than Mommy and Daddy's. But not Margie's. Or my 6 other cousins and their children who sport darker skin. They will have people who look like them in their family.

They may never care or feel out of place. That is my desire. But just in case, the Lord has provided them many family members that do look like them and share the same heritage. He is so good.

dc Talk - Colored People

I Just Had To Share

I snagged this from a friend. I laughed. And laughed again.
Forgive me, I just could not help posting this...

A Hard Blow

We lost a friend today. Robert Miller was a 42 year old father of three who was hit by a car while riding his motorcycle. For the past week he has been fighting for his life, but lost that fight this afternoon.

This is a man I have prayed with during small group, laughed with and grew to love as a brother in Christ. His family will have to now pick up the pieces and put their lives together without him. Please pray for them. When the funeral is done, the flowers have wilted and the condolence cards stop coming they will still be dealing with a pain so deep it can not be described. Life will go on for everyone else and eventually for his family, but their healing will take a million times longer. Please remember them then.

Is It That Particular Hope?

My youngest daughter C'sa has been begging to take "ballerina" for a few years now. I figured as she would not let up, she might not be kidding about her desire, so I signed her up for a week long, "ballet camp" just to get her feet wet and she what she thinks. She goes Monday through Friday this week, in the mornings. She is thrilled.

Yesterday, I had a friend stay with the other offspring while C'sa and I went off for her first day. She was so very excited and I was excited for her. I hung around a bit, reluctant to leave my baby girl chatting with the other mothers and the conversation of how many kids we each had came up. When I answered that I had five, one of the mother's remarked in astonishment that I looked, "so put together". She said she could barely manage her two.

Instead of falling on the floor and laughing out loud at the remark (which may have been perceived as rude) I thanked her. It must have been the magical lipstick that gave that very erroneous perception. I wish I had it all put together. In reality, I feel quite frazzled at times.

The comment got me thinking however. What did she see? There are times when I feel supernaturally calm about the journey I am on. Other times I throw myself a pity party about the "burden" of raising and juggling five children and managing a household. But I also know that I am not doing this job, "just because". This did not happen by chance. It was part of God's plan and I am happy to be a part of it.

1 Peter 1:3-7 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (NIV)

Is it that living hope that shines through to believers and unbelievers alike? I have no idea as to the state of that other mom's redemption, but could it be that that is what she saw when she thought I was, "put together"? Especially on a day when I felt so much less than that?

I do have somewhere to turn on those days when the world seems to run you ragged. I have a greater hope, something amazing to look forward to in my future. I have a place to rest in the midst of chaos. I hope that is what she saw. Maybe next time I will have the courage to share it...

"...Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..." 1Peter 3:15

Decisions, Decisions...

If you have been reading this blog for a while you certainly know about the tug-of-war going on between my head and my heart regarding the future of my eldest son's education.

My nine year old has been homeschooled since Kindergarten and although I have enjoyed it, the older he gets, the more I wonder if he would do better educationally with not having Mom teaching him. We both tend to represent a brick wall at times. Usually at the exact same time.

My heart says that I still want the dream of homeschooling all my kids, all the way through, to live on and prosper. My head says that I need to enroll K.Z. in a brick and mortar school and see if that helps him thrive even more. If not, he comes back home.

My head won out. I was a bit sad as I "unenrolled" him from the cyber charter school we used last year, but warming to the idea as I see how excited he is to be going. And from what I hear from a good friend whose son attended the same school, K.Z.'s teacher this coming year is incredible.

My heart still hurts a little, but I am excited to see what the year hold for him. Boy, am I going to miss my son during the day...

Pride, Then Fall. Check!

I know it has been a while and honestly I have no clue why I have not been writing. I could give you the line that I have been way too busy, but the amount of my Facebook entries would bust me on that line. I could say that I have not had anything to write about, but my brain has been exploding with topics.

I will say that I think I needed a time of quiet reflection on some issues and although I adore sharing them with you and all the advice you wonderful bloggers offer, the Lord directed me to just be still. So I was still. Sort of.

We finished the school year and I let out a sigh of relief. I liked this year, I really did. We decided to use a cyber school instead of the more traditional homeschooling we had been using and I think it helped me feel more in control and accountable. I did not mind someone directing my path this year in education. K.Z.'s online teacher this year was a believer and a former homeschooler herself, and that really led to some candid, "off the record" discussions. He excelled in his studies. The "light bulb" turned on. That is not to say that the struggles ceased.

K.Z. is a great kid. Period. I really enjoy spending time with him and seeing things through his eyes. He is fun and sweet and loving. As my first born he was the guinea pig for all things parenting. I found a bottle I liked with him after we stopped nursing. The perfect binky. A great sippy cup and educational cartoons. He cut his teeth on all of that. The girls flowed easily on the canal that K.Z. helped me dig. He was going to be a genius child who won homeschool spelling bees and read Wycliffe and Hus before his Kindergarten studies. My child would be open air preaching by the time he was ten. So sayeth the Mom.

I was proud of my boy. I was a prideful mess. I forgot to consult someone in all of this. The One. Of course I prayed about homeschooling my children. I prayed about the right curriculum, the best stream by which to read Hick Finn, which co-op to join, whether or not he should play with "non-homeschoolers". I never thought to ask for the Lord's guidance as to whether or not I should homeschool and whom. That was a forgone conclusion. Of course the Lord would be pleased. That is what everyone said. Even my beloved Dr. Dobson had talked about the benefits on Focus On the Family. We were set.

Pride ruled my homeschool. My kids were doing great and having a good time. I beamed like a silly, puffed up, peacock. I had all the answers and knew all the "ins and outs". Then my boy started to struggle a little. At first with reading, and then with obedience.

The reading worked itself out this year and he is doing just fine there. He is still struggling with obedience in school. It made no sense to me. I am a homeschooler! This does not happen to homeschoolers! This only happens to those public school kids whose mothers eat bon-bons all day and watch soap operas. Not to homeschoolers with dedicated, hardworking mothers!

Maybe it was his diet. Maybe I should start serving only whole foods with organic millet for breakfast. Maybe I was too lenient with allowing the likes of PBS into our home. Or maybe… just maybe, I was once again, not consulting the One who created my boy.

I fell lock, stock and barrel into the homeschool snare. Let me shout from the rafters that I think homeschooling is wonderful. My second child is thriving from it and I do believe was reading right from the womb. But there is the trap that many fall into. It is the, "your children can only prosper from homeschooling and will wither away anywhere else" lie. And although I believe in homeschooling and can see doing this for a long time, I put homeschooling above my Creator.

This issue with obedience in my child hit me like a pipe to the back of the knees. Thankfully. I needed to be brought down on them. I tearfully prayed this time about what the best path was for K.Z., specifically. Not based on my plan or preconceived idea, but His plan. That is the only one that matters. Homeschooling, albeit a great journey, will not guarantee that my boy will hit the mission field by 17 nor be taking college classes at 14. And frankly, it is not my place to deem it so.

The King of the Universe created this boy and knew him before time even began. He knitted him and formed him in my womb. He knows my child. So now I must trust that He will also guide K.Z.'s path and set him on the one that leads to Glory.

That being said, I am now pricing polos and khakis as we consider sending K.Z. to a local, Christ based school for this school year. If it is to happen, the Lord will open the door financially and logistically. But, this time, I will let Him lead the way.

As scary as that may seem to my mortal and prideful brain...

A New Reader

I have done it! I have hit a blogging milestone! I think I have 5 readers now! This newest reader is someone just a little special to me. It's my Daddy (pause with me for a minute to sigh and collectively say, "awww!").

"So what?", you say?! "Why is this a monumental moment?"

Because unlike some fathers who have their laptops with them at all times, my father rarely turns on his computer, that sits waiting patiently in his office. He is on the road much of the day and would rather be talking to people face to face than dealing with them electronically. I will give him credit where credit is due however. He has a cell phone and is not afraid to use it!

So anyway, along with this computer that gets no love whatsoever, my father actually has a company e-mail address and apparently has had it for quite a while. Not that his daughter knew about that, however (ahem!)...

After I found out about his e-mail address I simply had to see if this was true or an urban legend. My father has a working e-mail address? That can't be right.

So I e-mailed my dad just a "test" e-mail and true to daddy form, he called me back in reply (I told you he has tight cell phone skills). Apparently in my test e-mail (in which I had not even written any text) was the standard signature I have on every e-mail complete with my blog address. My dad took a leap into the unknown and clicked on said address. And actually stayed for a while to read it. Voila! I have a new reader!

So welcome Daddy! I hope you stick around.

Checking In... Again

I have been blogging for 3 1/2 years now, since March of 2006. For most of that time I have tried to really hard to blog daily, or at least every few days. Lately, more than not, I have slipped on that goal quite a bit. So, once again, here I am checking in with my blog friends and the few who pop in because they think (they know) I have lost my marbles and my life is a sad source of entertainment.

So here is the scoop...

- WE HAVE A NAME! After 16 months of trying to come up with a name for our foster son Iggy (Iggy is just simply his blog pseudonym), we finally sat down and decided on one. I cannot decide if I will post it here as I have never posted my other children's real names, but you never know. I do want to share it with all of you that I have formed great friendships with these past few years but.... Anyway, his name will not be official until we are able to adopt him and...

- WE ARE CLOSE! We do not have a date yet, but it seems like our adoption date is getting closer and closer. I am trying not to take for granted that he is ours, even thought he has been ours for 17 months today. Anything can happen, so I am still holding my breath a little until the judge signs his name on an adoption decree.

-EAZY (almost four year old foster son) has now been with us for six months. He is really changing and emerging and that shy, unsure little boy that joined our family last December has started to find out who he really is and we are glad to be able to see it. We still have no clue what is happening in his case, but we have decided that if he needs a place to call home forever, he can have that here. He is a great addition to the family.

That is about it for now. I want to try harder to write daily, but you may have to put up with one liners or silly rantings from my brain on occasion. With five children it does not always seem to fire on all cylinders for some reason...