Praise God for the Self Check-out!

Imagine this scenario. You are in the supermarket late one night with a box of Midol and chocolate and the only register open is that of a dorky teenager shamelessly flirting with the bag girl. Now, said clerk may be a dork, but he is not stupid and knows exactly why you have a box of Midol and chocolate and he smirks...

Now, before you panic, this was only an imaginary scenario, for had it been real, the clerk's beaten body would have been found shamelessly wedged between two carts in the cart return kiosk in the parking lot.

I was imagining this when I was entering the grocery store tonight with a very real agenda. I needed Midol and chocolate, not in that order. Midol was a luxury, chocolate the necessity and Mr. Clean did not quite understand this impending emergency (the man actually offered to pour Hershey's syrup in my mouth for me as he polished off the last of the ice cream; he's lucky he did not wind up in the cart return kiosk).

Like a lioness on the hunt I stalked my items stealthily. I had no real plan of attack, but I made it up as I went along. First I bagged the Midol since it was closest to the door. Then three containers of various chocolate infused Ben & Jerry's ice creams (they were on sale, one may have possible been frozen yogurt, I was too singly focused to care). Defenseless to my advances was the poor chocolate donut, I needed something to offer immediate relief, as you simply should not eat ice cream out of the container and drive the long three miles home from the store. A gallon of milk (for the cubs), Reddi-Whip and a magazine (collateral damage at the checkout) and I was on my way back to the den to devour my target.

I think I just might pass out from the sugar high, but boy has my mood improved!